Sunblock Sinner

Usually I am vigilant to overly obsessive about sunblock. I buy the super -d-duper SPF 5000 and apply it the recommended time span before sun exposure, and then every two hours on the dot afterwards. I slather liberal amounts on all four children from March until the end of October - when it is usually snowing. Our family does not do any form of outside activity in the winter, or else my routine would continue.

My hyper vigilance on sunblock sprouts from many reasons. I am fair skinned and freckly (when my children are really bored or too hot to move, they connect the dots with my freckles to make constellations or spell their names - they can do both with plenty of freckles to spare). I don't tan, I burn to a searing crisp and then turn paler. Most times I could give the Cullens a run for their money - except for my porky pig pink undertones. Skin cancer is a very real danger - as the media and my mother constantly remind me. Plus it is another way for me to protect them, to try to keep them safe just that much longer before they strike out on their own and I loose my Supermommy cape.

So for over 13 years I have obsessed. Sunblock, hats, umbrellas...until this year.

This year has been different - it is the one I have let go and become a sinner. Not out of laziness, or the mere impossibility of running after four wiggly children in 90 degree weather while 8 months pregnant. That my children are generally so shockingly pale it can be disconcerting to check on them in their sleep, especially when they are sick due to the nature of their pallor may have had something to do with it, but there was more....

This year has been one of care free abandon. Safely enclosed within our cedar fenced back yard my younger children have gleefully run naked through the sprinklers and splashed in the plastic pool. This year will undoubtedly be one of the last where they are not too embarrassed of each other to do so - my older two are much more modest and splash in swim suits and shorts - but seeing the younger ones - so free and joyous in the wonder of water droplets and sunshine - it is enviable. Their skin has turned a golden tan, blond highlights streak through their hair. Like they are actual, not figurative "sunbeams" from one of their favorite primary songs.

When they are all done, I snuggle them close. I breath in the scent from the grilled dinner, the grass clippings, the water from the hose, lemonade, and the little bit of lingering baby scent that flits in on occasion and I relish it.

I don't want to hang up my Supermommy cape and become just "Mom" - but when I do, I hope that my children will remember me wearing that cape - and the glow of sunshine it helped wrap them in.