Conference Calamity

Apparently last week was setting to the tone for how things are going to be for a while...

Today was stake conference - and everyone in my family was incredibly excited because it was being held in the tabernacle. This excitement did not transfer into motivation however, so as usual we were running late to conference, even though I started getting them ready two hours before it began.

We entered the building from the back, which unfortunately is the direction everyone is facing when they are seated inside. We try to scurry as unobtrusively as possible up the stairs to the balcony on the north side - which was packed. The usher decided the best place to put us was right up front, which is indicative that the usher has never personally had small children. As soon as we are seated, after crawling other members, I realize what a terrible plan this is. For starters, we are in view of everyone present, because not only are we up in the first row of the balcony, we are also closest to where the podium is - so people cannot avoid looking at us. Also, right in front of us is the railing - which translates into a giant climbing bar in the hearts and minds of my small children. They immediately grab hold of it, and do everything possible to try to climb over and fall to their dooms. I manage to distract them for about seven minutes with fruit snacks and sippies, as well as the lift the flap books that I had brought along. This calm respite did not last, and soon they were trying to climb again, and arguing profusely at loud volumes with me about restraining them. I dig out the paper and crayons from the diaper bag, which again provides a calming influence, but this time the respite is briefer - Zackie decided the railing would look lovely with a lime green color streak and Sophie sent her crayons catapulting over the edge to land on unsuspecting attendees below.

When the climbing begins again, I direct Melodie to take Sophie down, out, and around the building to sit in the rows below - thinking that she would sit next to one of the families from our ward. Melodie disappears and I am unable to locate her - but never mind because I am still dealing with the willful force that is Zachary. He is content to color, look at books, climb onto the pew behind us, and play footsie with the beautiful young blond girl that was sitting next to us for some time, with only minor issues. His playful singing during the hymns and clapping afterward garnered some amused chuckles. I was even able to make the observation of how beautiful it was to sit in the tabernacle and look out the windows at the snow capped mountains and green trees.

It is shortly after this point that Zackie notices Melodie and Sophie sitting in the balcony on the south side. "Mei Mei I see you! " he yells loudly at a time opportune due to its quietness. He continues to yell for Mei Mei, even after she vacates from the south side balcony in pursuit of Sophie. Deciding the easiest way to get to her would be to fly, he returns to trying to jump from the railing. The squirming in his tantrums kept unbuttoning my shirt - but thankfully Melodie appeared to get something from the diaper bag, and took Zackie with her back to Sophie. Chloe curled up against me, and with twenty minutes left, it looked like we were going to make it through conference in moderately good form, or at least in one piece.

Then I notice movement on the main level up near the podium - sure enough, Zackie, happy, confident, and smiling, was making his way up to talk from the podium - and trapped in the balcony, there was nothing I could do to stop it.

There is a redemptive light though. Behind the podium is where the choir sits, and a friend who is also a sympathetic mom of multiple toddlers retrieved Zachary and was able to meet me at the balcony stairs with him. I told Chloe to stay in our seat, and went off to find Melodie and figure out exactly why and how Zachary was able to escape and make it to the podium. Doing this without causing more interruption required me to exit the building, go around to the front, and re enter. I enjoy the quick walk, with Zachary chattering along in the sunshine and the cool breeze ruffling our hair. As I come back in the building, I glance up in the balcony area to see how Chloe is doing, and find her dangling over the balcony herself. I communicate as best as possible in rapid hand gestures for her to sit back, and go back to trying to find Melodie.

I found her and keeping the babies with me, ask her to get Chloe. Sophie and Zach use this time to try to open every locked door on the lower level below the main seating area. By the time Melodie and Chloe return, only the closing hymn and prayer are left of conference, so we can leave a little early guilt free.

We head out the doors into the sunshine and begin the short trek to the van, which had to be parked across the street, down the road, and over a hill. Feeling that the calamity has come to an end, I even agree to let Sophie and Zach walk on the sidewalk without holding anyone's hand. Zackie is in sock feet, because he loathes anything actually touching his toes, but socks wash and it is a beautiful day. A beautiful day following a blustery one that rained and snowed...which means there are puddles. At this point I am guilty of being an adult, and forgetting that puddles have irresistible gravitational pull - they simply demand that you jump up and down in them. As you can imagine, literally five feet from the van is an enormous puddle and before my ninja reflexes can react, Zackie was gleefully making splashes and ripples.

Which leads me to where I am now. The kids were fed a quick lunch of lemon sautéed cod, herbed rice, and asparagus then sent to bed. Where they hopefully will stay for quite some period of time, because we are having triple chocolate cake and ice cream tonight.